Calibarf

I don't know about yous guys, but I really don't like that stupid new Calibri font. It's kind of like the new Facebook to me; why did they go and change something - in this case, Arial? Why did Arial NEED to be changed, or made new either? It's such a lame attempt to try to be trendy and turn over a new word processing leaf. I'm not into it.

Every time I open a new document at work and Calibri is the default I promptly change it.

Calibri, you're not getting any face time in my fontiverse. Ha, fontiverse.

Rip roarin', high flyin'

Last night I was blow drying my hair when I heard some eight shots ring out. I fled to my 11th storey window to see people fleeing from the nearby Food Basics. Then I saw some police officers run out from behind some of the apartments and pin two dudes to the ground. Hi oh - COPS in my own backyard.

This happened another time when I was having a games night. Like all these cop cars drove up on the grass, surrounding this mang and pinned him on down.

Sensassionale

I just bought some toffee peanuts called Wow Nuts/Noix Sensass.

In other news, yesterday I saw a squirrel carrying an entire hard taco shell across someone's front yard. When he saw me, he began to chomp happily on the shell. When he was halfway through, he shoved the shell under his arm and skittered up a tree. No shit.

Pins and needles

Who does THIS happen to anymore!?

At lunch I was sitting cross-legged, eating a slice of pizza under a tree when I noticed it was time to head back to work. But gawd, when I stood up and began walking across the street, I couldn't have felt like more of a fool! with my two lame feet among all the strapping undergraduate students and professors. I don't think I can ever show my face on this campus again.

To top it all off, I think I also now have several bites probably from some small brown ants that were hanging out under the tree. %$^&#*

It's cocolossal!

An ad on the train told me about this awesome new uni: I wanna go to Colossal U. Don't you?

Old snackz

I saw someone on the subway with a bag of Crispers.

Who eats those anymore?

The snake charmer's shaking for you

Hot, new, cutting-edge band: Slim Twig.

Check it.

Signs I need to leave St. Jamestown

I just can't handle the throw-up anymore.

This morning at 5:30 a.m. I was jolted--BLASTED--awake to the sounds of my across-the-hall neighbour throwing up and gagging, slash, DYING to all hell. Jesus god.

Then I also had a dream a man silently entered my apartment one day, dropping off a duffel bag. I came at him, pointing my middle finger at him (what was that going to do?) and trying to yell at him to leave (you know, dreams; trying to yell, but you can't). Then after he left on his own volition, I threw his bag out into the hallway. Seconds later, he entered another person's apartment, left the same bag there, and then soon after, the bag exploded in their unit. I don't even know what happened to the people who lived there!!!? Were they alive? Dead?

Such unpleasantness.

Saying hi

Yesterday I popped into some 24-hour food store to pick up a little bit of an embellishment for my lunch before going to work and the nuttiest, just the nuttiest thing happened while I was in line. I was paying for my thing at the cashier and I heard the woman behind me talking (to herself) about how her daughter just brought back some chocolate from Belgium - the same kind they were selling at this store. My transaction was then complete, so I said thank you to the cashier and then THE WOMAN says to me, "Thank you too, bye now." What the hell?

This reminds me of the time I went for sushi at Mazz with R and S. While we were eating our meal, we saw this totally awkward couple, who must have been on their second date or something, [and the girl was ordering everything that the guy ordered, right after he ordered it (lame)] and then when we were leaving the restaurant, we said bye to the people working there and this girl kind of turns her head in our direction, while looking at our feet and said, "Bye guys." Again, what the hell?

Kickin' it lame school

Today I was lounging on UT campus, and I saw a girl walk past me wearing yonder shoes... well the pink ones. But they were even obnoxiously, annoyingly briter!!!! AND, she was also wearing a matching bright as __ pink T-shirt.

Then, two seconds later, another dude comes walking past, sporting the same type ensemble. But he was wearing bright ORANGE high tops and a fluo orange shirt.

Just about made me wanna throw up. In the TTC.

In other news, I used to have a professor who always said the word nebulus. Ok, we get it - you know a sort of big word, that's kind of obscure. Stop already. Pick a neeeeeww word.

Also, two nights ago I went to see Hamlet 2, at the Varsity. Not a bad little movie there, budday. A little confusing, but overall, entertaining. I was really unimpressed with the Varsity's washroom situation. They have one of those setups where you have the soap dispenser, filled with CREAM SOAP (yuck!) which squirts out wayyyy too much when you pump it out (aside: why does soap come in CREAM anyway? It's not like it's pasta sauce. Am I going to have to start ordering the marinara soap? Hey? Hey?), and then in terms of the water, you no sooner take less than a second getting soap on your hands after you've turned on the tap that the water is instantly--INSTANTLY--scalding hot. It's the worst combination imaginable: cream soap that will never wash away, no matter what the temperature, TOO MUCH of it at that, and then burning, searing hot water to complement the whole thing.

The washroom at the Varsity gets two thumbs down for its soap and water combo.

I'm in a baand

Harlequin is a tremendous tremendous band.

Subway (not the restaurant)

I have a couple things to talk about today, relating to the subway.

-In general, I just find there is far too much throw-up in the subway. I can understand seeing lots of it on Friday or Saturday nights, or Sunday mornings, for that matter. But, as per last night - seeing it on a random Tuesday night? No, I don't think that's acceptable. What, do people just purposely show up at the subway to 'let go' of unwanted stomach contents? I certainly don't see a quarter of as much throw-up on the streets of TO as I do in the subway. I've had it, TTC, with your throw-up and your accepting nature of it.

-Zwei: I love the news updates that appear on those overhead screens in the subway. One I saw last night: "Hungry tiger escapes from zoo in Galveston, Texas." I just wonder how they know for certain that it's hungry? Is a tiger always hungry? Or is the news trying to frighten the people of Galveston, and me, all the way in Toronto!?

Another doozie I saw in February: "Valentines Day fondue mishap causes fire leaving NB man homeless." Ouch. All that, in the name of love.

Taping it

The other day I was preparing a mailing and when a co-worker saw that my envelopes still needed to be sealed he said, "Sometimes I just tape them!" I thought to myself, Hogwash, who tapes an envelope? There's no need when the flap is already pre-sticky.

Well, look at me now: the mail machine decided not to seal my envelopes and I'm here taping away.

Taping. Envelopes.

Those pre-recorded phone calls

How about the one that starts out with the blaring of a cruise ship's horn, or the one with the girl telling you you've just won an exotic vacation? Well, my new favourite is the pre-recorded message reminder for dental appointments.

There were two on my voicemail this morning for a gentleman in my office. Of course, by the time it gets all the way to voicemail, it's about 3/4 of the way through the message.

So I caught the part when the girl was saying, "Press 1 to repeat this message, Press 2 for..." but the best part was when she said, "I'm sorry, I thought I was speaking with a human."

I think people are going to be saying that a lot more in the future.

What what!

Pinkish

Ages ago my aunt gave me a shockingly pink hue of lipstick--fluorescent, really--suitable for use at 80s parties or when shopping at Bargain Harold's, called simply, Pinkish.

Today when I was on the elevator getting back from lunch I saw a member of the office custodial staff with a huge container of bathroom soap called 'Pink Luster.'

Yuck. You know the kind I'm talking about.

(That same pink luster seems never to wash off your hands either.)

--

Earlier today, in a staff meeting, a gentleman kept using the word "grinding." It was really grating on my nerves.

Some people really have favourite words, don't they? That they use many times over in the course of a morning, or their lives for that matter.

Just can't get enough

I have a bit of an obsession with clever T-shirts. There seem to be a lot of them around, and I can't help but notice them when I'm out and about.

I will try to keep you updated on the long list of clever lines that I come across.

For now, here are two notables from the recent past:

-This small man was wearing a tee that said, 'I'm with illogical,' with an arrow pointing to the right

-Some skinny teen was wearing one that said,
'C.S.I.
Can't Stand Idiots'

-There's also my old favourite, one I spotted on a dude one night in SDM that was a faded shade of burgundy and had faded white letters on it, with a graphic of a viking. It said, 'I'm going to Helsinki.' It's a fave of SR's and mine.

Ingenius.

Work perks

There is a box of tissues in the common room called nepi nepi.

On the side of the box it says, nepi nepi nepia.

Overwhelmed by of-the-moment trends

Everyone, I have an announcement to make:

Uniralls AND... AND RAT TAILS are back in. Unbelievably so, and true.

Case in point: Yesterday I saw a girl sporting the unirall look, of so many years passed. You know the one, where you only fasten one of the two closures on the overall straps.

Rat tails:
Ok, so over the past few days I have seen four--that's FOUR--rat tails; three on the streets of Toronto, and one on the screen of Pineapple Express. Ok, so I liked that one - it really worked well to paint a picture of a character who made a brief appearance in the flick. It was fine, and funny as all heck.

But these other ones - these real life ones - I just don't know how this is acceptable.

• The first one I saw, the girl already had long hair, but then further, there was a rat tail snaking its way out from under her longest layer of hair - who does this?

• The second one was a middle aged woman with spiky grey hair. HER rat tail was festooned with beads and fashioned in a braid. Wow, she got style.

• And, the last one - just spotted on the subway. An older gentleman, looking pretty normal from the front, who turned to reveal a lengthy, curly as heck 'tail.

Oh, and allow me to just add: these rat tails were not like a couple inches long. These were all pretty much middle-of-the-back dealies. HOW!?


I don't know... what's next?!

Free school! I mean food.

I learned about this little golden nugget in university, but it really is something never to be forgotten:

University campuses always have free food - EVERYWHERE.

Case in point: today I was sauntering by the Jewish students centre at UT where they were throwing a clubs fair and FREE BBQ. Hello! Didn't I tell you? There was a young man there wearing a shirt that said MENSCH, and barbecued items galore by the looks of it. I mean, yah, sure, I could have popped my head in as well to take part in the festivities (I didn't; packed my own cucumber sandwich), but that food was definitely there for the taking. What were they going to say to me?!

Exhibit B: In my new position, I get e-mails about free lectures on campus, sometimes even featuring cool famous people (or maybe sometimes just people who are famous, but not in that cool of a way.) Good morning!: Free lectures generally equal free food! Example number two. I was told it's pretty good food too.

Bottom line: Never feel like you need to pay university tuition to enjoy the finer points of university life.

Dependable orange... let's get to the point

The other day B and I were talking about how great peaches are, and this conversation didn't happen but one day before R (3 years old) said to me,

"Did you know that peaches are the yummiest?"

A wise one he is. Anyway, I exclaimed that yes, peaches are great - superior to apples and oranges, I'd say - BUT, at the same time, not to be completely eclipsed by the orange; a rather manageable, dependable fruit, if you will. It was at this point that I began to sing my new hit single "Dependable Orange" to the tune of Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado.

This is gonna be a hit, I tell ya.

--

In other news, on Saturday I was doing one of my regular browses through SDM (a.k.a. Shoppers Day Mart, a.k.a. Shoppers Drug Mart) and a mag with the faces of my old favourites - Kids in the Hall - was staring me right down.

The headline on the page told me that this was the comedy issue. Let me tell you: Naked Eye (the name of the mag) is a hit with me! I love the writing, I love the style, love how it's Canadian - a real package deal (insert thumbs up here).

I would completely suggest you nab this one next time you're at the store. And, at a mere $4.95, you're laughin'... at the price alone!