Rodney!

Saw something funny that I bought for Bron's sister - it's a puppet called Rodney the Reindeer and he "hums" for the holidays. He has three songs that he hums and you can control the speed at which he hums them by manipulating his mouth faster or slower. It's hilarious!! I bought it at Hallmark. Bron loves it too. Simply for the purpose of stealing it from his own kin to make music.

Blow me a river

When people blow things out of their mouth or nose now in the age of Purell and germ awareness, I can't help but actually make a dirty face at them when they do so. I'm actually personally offended by it. I saw a woman this morning cough into her hand, NOT on her sleeve. It's just not right. The posters TELL you how to do it. Heed the posters!

In other news, a terribly personal fax about something terribly unmentionable was sent to my place of work yesterday from a doctor's office. When I called them to tell them they sent it to the wrong number, they didn't even seem to care. Wow.

Nova vomit

How come when you have to sign in to make a comment on someone else's blog there is a tiny handicapped wheelchair next to the box where you type that fucked up text? Whatev.

So last week I had the most monumentally shitty lunch (and it wasn't me who made it.) I was too mad, I couldn't have written about it that day. I went to Nova Era bakery. I was in the area, at my favourite of all favourites, Strictly Bulk, getting the staples: pumpkin seeds, almond milk, chocolate covered jujubes (shut up they're good.) Then I go, oh Nick once said Nova Era had good sandwiches. I will go there now and get one. MISS TAKE.

I sidle up to the lunch counter. I see they have soups. I see they have sandwiches. I ask the lunchman, a husky version of Martin Starr, if they have a soup and sandwich special. He says no. I ask him how much a soup and sandwich will cost. He goes away for a while, then tells me. Around $7 something. I say ok, I want the tuna and the soup of the day--something I had never heard of, but was willing to try: kidney bean and collards. (Last time I checked, they were called collard GREENS, but again, whatev.)

So I said I wanted the tuna, right? He asks me if I want mayonnaise. I, of COURSE, thought he meant in addition to the mayo already mixed with the tuna. I mean, is there any other way? So, no, I didn't want any mayo because in addition to the mayo already comprising the tuna for the filling of the tuna sandwich, this would simply be too much mayo.

But no sooner had I said NO to the maYO, I noticed he was busy at work can openering a can of NO NAME tuna in order to make my "sandwich." It was from this moment forward I knew I was doomed. Not only did he honest to god think I wanted a mayo-less tuna sandwich, but he also thought this concept actually existed. I'm sorry everyone out there, but IT DOESN'T. No where does a tuna sandwich exist that has no mayo on it. Try as you may to find out. There ain't one.

So he empties the can of DRY FISH into a bowl. He then grabs some shitty tiny bun from the back of the place. I have no idea where this bun came from or why it wasn't out front, nicely displayed, telling me, "look, this is what your sandwich will be made on." But not only this: again, last time I checked, most sandwich places give you an option of the bread or bun you get, or else they generally have white or whole wheat bread. I just think this dude had no idea what the fuck he was doing.

He squishes the still dry fish into the shitty tiny bun. He then puts the top on the sandwich. Follow me people: he has just used a small crappy bun, placed some crumbles of dry tuna fish on it, and has replaced the top portion of my sandwich. I then look up at the sandwich board. Oh, stupid RETARDED me, lettuce OR tomatoes OR cucumbers is an extra 25 cents PER item. By now I'm fuming. "Can I get some lettuce on that, please?!"

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm not even going to touch on the soup. Let's just say the kidney bean and collard soup was POTATO based, had about 11 strands of collards in it and was lukewarm.

As I sat in this confusing shithole bakery (that shouldn't even HAVE a lunch counter), seething, and eating my frigging "lunch," I remembered that I had to pay almost $8 for this disappointment.

I am NEVER GOING THERE AGAIN. I KNOW it was only $8, but the experience overall shaved years off my life. And faith in food in general.

Nova Era, you're dead to me.

Happy Roseanne to all!

Happy Versa-annary to KZ and her chum (French word for boyfrien) - tree year! A hearty congrats. Can't wait to finally watch some Ralphy with them next week and indulge in some homemade pizza. Christmas coloured and all!

So tonight I'm indulging myself in glass of white wine--organic, I might add, compliments of Bron's mom--and a little Roseanne. Friggin love this show. I now have seasons 3, 4 and 5. On sale for a stupendous price right now at HMV I might add.

Two of my top fave Roseanne quotations of all time:

"I've never been to an outdoor wedding where everyone was wearing clothes." -Nancy

"People will eat cotton in a supermarket as long as there's a toothpick in it." -Roseanne

Thank you, winter

My morning commute consisted of a steamy hot bus full of sopping wet people that smelled like Doritos.

Word to the wise: Do not freely handle/grope/flip your hair when riding transit. No, I don't want your hair touching my skin or any part of my person. I especially don't want it to graze my hand when I'm holding on for dear life to the stupid already germ-infested transit poles. Put the hair away when riding transit.

Grrr is the word

Today at work was the day from heeeeellllll. Brutal out-of-town board meeting my colleague and I had to be on-call for, teleconference line that was wrongly DELETED by Bell (thanks a LOT, Bell, you just lost our biznass), dadaladalada - you do the math. By day's end, so many of our hairs had turned grey and fallen out all over the floor... needless to say, things were 'hairy' (ha, good one, if I do say so myself).

Then, I just happened to place a call to someone who needed an important e-mail address, and got her answering machine. So, the office whip I am, I left her a message. When I was spelling out the e-mail address (we all know much c's sound like b's or e's or d's or g's on the phone)(you get the picture) I had to append some words to some of the letters. My monologue went a little something like this (e-mail address has been changed for privacy):

"The e-mail address is motherlandd@agr.com. So that's motherland, with a D at the end, D as in dog, at A, G as in (insert hesitational moment of "Do I say GOD?" but NO I instead say) Grrr."

G as in GRRRR? Where the FUCK did I come up with that? Two seconds after getting off the phone my colleague is turning red and crylaughing. Then I hear another colleague down the hall call out "Grrrrr!" in a rather gruff voice. Can all my coworkers hear my (embarrassing)(although hilarious) phone calls all the time? Then my colleague exclaims, "I really needed that. That was great!"

So, after all was said and done, I guess I made someone's day. All it takes is me making up nonsensical sounds at work in order to clearly articulate an e-mail address containing every 'eee' sounding consonant in order to bring a smile to the faces of those around me. To that I say, S as in Ssssss (like the noise of a snake), "Sweet."

McBride's 2009 Gift Guide

You know you waaaaaaant it.

Goodbye Tara

I love the zoo so much, and all who live there. Goodbye Tara.

Ce weekend

Heading down to Wats this weekend. I love how I'm planning my weekend on a Monday night. Don't get much better than this. We'll be in town for a high school friend's wedding reception at the legion of all places. A great time will most certainly be had by all I'm sure. This dude and his wife got married at his parents cottage in May, and it was a small wedding with mostly family, so now they're going to pull out all the stops and have a more 'twentysomething' oriented partay. When I asked his mom what to get him and his wife for a gift, she replied, towels. How lame, I mean absorbent. I am not bringing towels to the legion. They're getting a gift card for The Bay and that's final.

We will also be in town to celebrate my grandmother's 149th birthday. I mean 186th or something. Happy Birthday GG!

Movieholes

This weekend I finally saw doc King Corn, which I was corning (read: jonesing) to see for a while. I did indeed enjoy it. Rotten Tomatoes seems to be right on in its rating of this flick, so we're in accordance on all corns, I meant fronts. I'm really getting corned away here. I mean carried.

In other movie news, Bron and I rented Dead Snow. What a terrific flick. My zombie intestines were all aflutter with this one. I love how we had the option of watching it in English, instead of its native Norwegian. And yes, I'm completely technically backward because I never knew this feature existed in DVD world, although Bron is the one who has issues with subtitles, pas moi. I recommend this one for suresies.

To cap off my Sunday night, I decided to finally order some towels from L.L. Bean. I'm quite a fan of most of their goods, but after experiencing the loveliness of their Premium Cotton handtowels and bathmats (have two of each)(yes, I'm a mid-western US housewife), I was def going back for more, esp since I still have some fundage existing on my last-year's L.L. Christmas gift card. But, upon selecting my new natural coloured towels (I know, I'm so 'out there'), and deciding to get these pooches MONOGRAMMED, uh I realized that they only provide navy thread for light coloured towels and white for dark coloured towels. Ewww, navy? Nein thanks. I would never want to see a navy and natural towel in or around my home. A shame, really. I was prepared to drop the $12 to have both towels monogrammed. I just wanted to be whimsical and get "Bron" and "Kathryn" towels. But that won't be happening any time soon with navy at the thread helm. I guess I'll still order the towels, but I'm really not feeling the juice as much anymore. I'll give it a few days and see how I'm feeling. I'll update.

Into the Wildesque

This is insane! And he was rescued, no less, on the anniversary of the McCandless dude.

Duuuude.

Shut your mouth when you're talking to me

I have to agree with yesterday's blog entry by Jim Kenzie.

Haircut 100

Today I'm finally getting a haircut. Yesss. I just may emerge with bangs. But, as Bron said last night, "I don't want to hate your hair." So, does that mean no bangs? At least I won't look like this dude.



Then tonight I'm going to check out my friend Danz perform at Second City. Word! Come on out if you're interested. It's the funniest awesomest improv, way better even than supposed legit, "professional" improvists. Way to go Danzhole.

Rice and cookies

Rice: Just got done mangeing (aka eating to the English speaker) an amazing sandwich from Rice Bar that cost me $6.90. It's called the Kensington (the sandwich, not the market). Definitely try it. Two of the highlights? Tofu and kimchi. Oh, and spinach. Can't remember the other stuff, but comes out to be a pretty great samwidge.

Now for the cookies: I was asked to order a traveller of coffee and some cookies today from Starbucks - enough for 5 people for a meeting. When I placed the order over the phone I ordered 10 cookies - figured, people probably won't have two each, but let's be generous. But then at the last minute, I thought, let's make it an even 12. Well my god, I had NO idea how big their cookies are. These things were like wagon wheels. The real kind of wagon wheels too, not like those snacky things you eat when you're 8. GAWD. I just went into someone's office right now, only to see a half eaten cookie thrown into the garbage. Those cookies cost $23.73!!!! At least it ain't my money...

Up to my neck in it

I'm just inundated and in love and whelmed (not over nor under) with this shazz right now:

Unncessary quotes

BAAAAAAAAAAA! I LOVE this. Shrimply the best!? I can't handle it. I really can't. This kind of stuff is my life. Not only is it improperly quotationized, but it's also a play on words!!


Please share with me your favourites!

Wal People

My genius colleague turned me onto maybe the best blog I've ever seen

People of Walmart

Unnnnbelievable. Tell me if you visit it and don't appreciate it. Then I won't appreciate you. Hahah. Says my old roommate of peopleofwalmart.com, "wow. I think it's scientifically proven that this website is the most accurate representation of American life on the internet(s)."

Bravo.

Cakey poo

Just read thestar.com and found an article on this great blog. Check out this amazing cake as a little taster:



Hey, hey? Any takers?

Solid soul

I bought some white like 350 thread count bedsheets last year at Winners. No, not these



and finally just slapped them on the bed two nights ago. They are amaaaaaazing. The first night I felt like I was sleeping between two slick slices of white tuna. They're that good. What could be better - combining two of my loves: sushi and sleeping.



Oh god, now I just want sushi. Maybe I will visit Simon Sushi on my lunch today - in the words of Wayne Campbell, "Excellent." Bron and I are headed to newly reopened Nazareth tonight, and then to Comedy Bar for some Catch 23 with VEE BARRRZ!!

"Talk to me" -Uncle Jesse

You know what I hate, when old people, unfamiliar with such unbelievably advanced technology as the answering machine leave a message on my voicemail at work stating they'd like me to call them back and please "leave a message if I'm not here." Oh really, is that what I'm supposed to do when the recording of the person on the other end says "Please leave a message and I'll call you back."!? You should really follow those instructions??

I could use somebody

This morning I brought in my own special mug to work, as some __ stole my perfect mug given to me by my former temp agency. It is huge, has multi-sized purple and pink polka dots and says Diva on the side.

Works Great

Last night, after returning from a rendez-vous at Victory with KZ, her main squeeze and Niki, Bron and I came upon a LARGE TV (with the sticky note "Works Great" on it) just steps from my home. Bron wasn't very optimistic about this proclamation, but I was able to sufficiently twist his arm, so we lugged the 27 incher down the street and into my apartment. SWEET.

We won't be leaving the basement for a loooong time. Movie donations are greatly appreciated. I might even get cable. Well, probably not.

Old fashioned superstition

Thanks to KZ's morning inspiration, I will sound off (although I hate that expression) about Cyndi Lauper. I have loved her shit since about age three. The other day I dug out my copy of The Goonies and am now obsessing over this song:



I also love Time After Time, and All Through the Night, to name only a couple.

P.S. I couldn't love her hair any more in this video. Honest to god.

U of Sick

Today at lunch I saw a baby blue (ugly blue… sweet blue) minivan that said “Lucky Miguel” on the side, in tiny little cursive letters, with a license plate saying, “Wuzzzzup”

Rearview taco

This morning I saw an elderly man walking down my street at 6:45am wearing yellow oversize sunglasses, with a tiny rearview mirror hooked on the side of them. Where did he get that? The Senior Citizens Store? (I just made that place up - it's not real).

I discovered a wonderful Mexican place on Dufferin near Bloor. It's called La Tortilleria - heaven!!!!!!!!! for me. They make their own nachos and salsa on site and carry a bunch of Mexican products and also serve fresh tacos. Hello - fresh tacos.

"Are you talking about MY taco?"
"Maybe."

Shya right

Are people serious when they wear these shirts? Today I saw a guy wearing a shirt that said "Nice legs. When do they open?"

!??

Japanese faerie

Look what's now in Japan! I have insiders there finding these things out for me. If you don't know anything about this series, you have missed, MISSED. This show was the cornerstone of my childhood.

Very important list of every episode.

Mascara magic

So I've been sharing the not-yet-on-the-market masc samples with some friends (KZ, RM, JC, FC, you get the picture) and I've had a bit of feedback. Personally, I loved using it! Though I felt like my lashes received a bit of a lashing (ha) in terms of mascara distribution (i.e. a bit too much), the vibrating feature was well received and kinda fun too. My mascara wand felt a little more like a gadget than normal, and applying was fun :-)

Here's what my girlfriend RM had to say:
I think the mascara goes on too much for my taste and it leaves my lashes pointing up instead of the ideal “curl” and if you are not careful, you can truly make a mess of it. The vibrations made me a bit ticklish so it made it a bit difficult for me hold tight. The good things is that it does make my eyes quite big and dark.

I couldn't have agreed with her more on the last bit. But, overall I would say I would mirror her sentiments.

At this stage, I fully recommend this product. It's fun, works well, applies a generous portion of makeup and has nice sleek packaging and is smooth to hold.

Matchstick is looking for feedback from anyone who may have seen my posting about Maybelline's new Pulse Perfection mascara. If you click here to complete the survey, you will be helping them by donating $2.00 to the Redwood Women’s Shelter, please Click Here to take their short feedback survey.

For every survey that is completed, Matchstick will make a $2 donation to the Redwood Women’s Shelter.

I really appreciate your feedback. Thanks guys!

Mascara, encore

Oh, and I'm going to be writing about a new mascara that recently crossed my path! As a teaser, it's Maybelline's Pulse Perfection mascara. Check it out y'all. I'll also be having a release party in my backyard to celebrate this new masc. If you read this, you can come.

On the subject of toupees

Does anyone wear toupees anymore? I asked my officemate this. She said that someone her boyfriend works with wears one, as well as news reporters and weird politicians.

Amen.

Num nums

I love radishes, and I'm making no apologies about it.

Showers schmlawers

My friend V-Barrz and I have been firing a couple e-mails back and forth on the topic of bridal showers as I have one coming up I must attend (who in our age group doesn't have about 12-15 coming up this summer?)

V-B: Although that really does suck about the shower – I don’t know why us girls have to do those stupid shitty things. They are the most boring things in the world. Sorry, I guess that’s not making you feel much better about the whole thing :S I just figure people will (hopefully) have to do it for me one day and I won’t care how bored everyone is b/c I’ll be opening gifts and getting free shit!

Me: God, SO effing true re the stupid showers. Think of something NEW by now, people who plan shit and etiquette gurus in gen. I would like some Betty Etiquette type lady to start riffing on the fact that showers are outdated and we need a new way to squeeze coin and loot outta people. But I certainly am waiting for *my day*

Casual Friday

Couple doozies from this morning:

Spotted a short, stout homeless woman carrying a used water bottle filled with milk wearing a shirt that said "no problem." ...right.

An older man wearing a nylon track suit got on the streetcar. I noticed his pants were sitting a little low in the frontal region. When he turned around to take a seat, he was clearly not wearing underpants and his entire ass was exposed. He then sat down.

Note to self: never sit down on the streetcar again. Rather, never take the streetcar in summer. period.

Checklist for cab drivers

Last nite I took a cab home after falling asleep standing up at a show at the Gladstone (Slim Twig and Black Dice, the latter of which I wasn't even conscious long enough to enjoy.) My cab ride home was so ridic. I asked the guy for $2 change. He then scrounged around his cab for money explaining he had just given all his change to the last guy (then get more!!!!$#%^) and then ended up giving me a handful of bullshit and said, "Oh, I think I'm 20 cents short." Thanks a lot dicklick. The whole time he was searching for change he was like, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, oh, there's a car behind me." Please! You drive a CAB. You NEED CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!

Being not containerist

On a walk just now I saw a man try to mail a letter in one of these Toronto garbage containers

















He was trying to shove it in the red part, labeled LITTER, that had garbage spewing out of it. Yes spewing. I then saw him make a face after his attempt to wedge the letter into not only the LITTER slot but then the blue CANS AND BOTTLES slot.

At the end of the day, if he wanted to mail his letter in the garbage can, I say let him. Live and learn, hey.

Tessa

I love visiting the zoo, as MP can attest. How sad this is.

T-shirts: passion

I'm going to have to transform this expressly into a blog all about T-shirts I see when out and about.

Some excerpt tees from recent travels around TO:
-"Plastic makes perfect"
-"I'm with illogical" (with an arrow pointing to the right)
-"I'm going to Helsinki" (with an image of a viking)
-"Is it drunk in here or is it just me?"

Pretty good one from today - Giant, teetering woman walking down the street with her child, wearing the following tee:

"To Do List: Be Rich, Be Famous, Be Hot, Be a Diva" each with a check mark beside it.

MAKE MY DAYYYYY

First visit: $50

I went to Whole Foods for the first time ever in life with Bron and his mom on the weekend. When it was my turn to jump outta the car to pay for parking, not only would the machine not accept my money ("this ticket has already been paid") but I found 50 smackers on the GROUND.

I really like Whole Foods.

Humanart

Yesterday Bron and I were on the bus and there was a guy sitting across from us with a big canvas that was so large it was covering up his entire body and all you could see were his hands grasping either side of the canvas. I said to Bron, "Imagine that [canvas] was a human?" and then he laughed quietly so as not to draw attention to himself and said, "That doesn't make any sense, but it's still really funny." Shucks.

Warm things

It smells like warm Italian meat in the kitchen at my work. There are no people around nor any meat.

Gross.

Stealing, nothing more than stealing...

Good morning,
Today I drop into our common kitchen (my office is in a university residence building (!?)) and notice that my favourite mug is missing. When I come back into my office to inform my colleague of this, she informs me that all our office bowls and dinner plates are missing too. This reminds me of the time our office coffee pot went missing. Colleagues were in flames! Then someone discovered it in the freezer, with an inch of frozen coffee in the bottom.
Tsk tsk you uni students.

I like this headline

Dog poisonings caused by teen's pot cupcakes

Baconator: Meatatarians hate lettuce

"You won't have to pick off any annoying lettuce." Wendy's is officially trying to kill everyone.

Baconator:
> 6 strips of bacon
> 2 hamburger patties
> no annoying lettuce to pick off.



















From qstmagazine.com: "Wendy's introduced its popular Baconator in June 2007, and has sold more than 68 million since then."

Me: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Giraffe, meet Leopard

Last week I was sitting outside of a health food store on Bloor, wearing my new giraffe print flats. A rather eccentric new age hippie woman, wearing a massive leopard print trench waltzed out of the store and sat beside me on the bench. Her: "Nice shoes."

Am-african.

Online dating

Around the corner from my house, here last weekend, Bron and I shared the most wonderful, moistest, sinful date square of maybe all time (sorry mom.) Me: "I want to date this date square."

I didn't even try!

Neat huh?

Bron e-mailed me this link with the subject line: neat creatures.

Neat creatures? More like my greatest fear TO DATE. Hello: TERRORIZING other aquatic life!? This reminds of the time I had a dream about "water chickens" (which are like frogs with completely transparent skin), that I couldn't distinguish as fact or fiction upon waking. Also reminds me of the time that a like 250kg squid AS LONG AS A SCHOOL BUS washed up on a faraway shore. Not far enough if you ask me.

Heritage Ohhhhhhhs

Bron and I swear by theseThroughout this fair city you will find this amazing cereal (crunch like y'all wouldn't believe) at variable price points: Strictly Bulk has them for $8.25 and I got them at JR's Natural in my 'hood for $7.99 once. But then my god, just up the street at Good Catch, I LOVE THIS STORE, but they have them for a sad $11.00. You read that right.

Anyway, they're worth all the pennies, I just don't know why some of these places are squeezing me so much for them? I know how to bargain shop.

Haunted, freezing

What is better than Frozen Ghost?

Quite simply, Turkey

Turkey

What would Tarzan's girlfriend dislike about dating him?

Lady: Uhhhh, living in the jungle?
Family Feud host: Living in the junnnngggggle!!!!

Mind your g*d-d*mn business

Dollarama pregnancy tests

Excerpt:

hello,

the local dollarama in bridgewater NS sells these.
i called and talked to the manager about them and was told, “dont f**king call us about this. mind your g*d-d*mn business.”

i was speachless. the manager also refused to give me the dollarama head-office contact info and i cant find it on the net.

if anyone knows it, please let me know.

Bobby

Pink A White

I saw a nail place today, of course called something like Hollywood Nails, and just below the name of the store it said BIO GEL - PINK A WHITE - SOLAR GEL

Um, pink a white?

What's your ebonality?

I needed a bandaid at work just now. The only one I could find in the first aid kit is dark brown and called "Ebon-Aide."

The fire in your eyes

If you know me, you'd know I like this place. $2.19 Almond Breeze, excellent, genuine banana chips, as per Bron, nuts and seeds to your heart's content, and all the other health food store trimmings. It's also just across the street from two of my favourite restaurants:

Nazareth

and Mazz

Sounds like a good Friday night to me. Oh, and this place. Topz. We really love slamming back drinkypoo-poos here, but I also really wanna try their brunchel.

The Afteryoge

The buildup for yoga is just like the way it used to be with swimming lessons - all this tension and nervosity prior to the class and then it all just melts away after the teacher yells at you for a while to swim faster and tread water for like 20 minutes straight. I'm telling you, hot yoga is amasian. I swear I burnt like 10,000 calories this week. When I'm walking home after, I move about 7 times slower than normal and almost forget my own name.

Alldaystressout

I'm going to hot yoge tonight. All week long I've been amping myself up about going, and then all day long today here and there I'll stop and remember that yes, I'm going to yoga tonight. So lame. It's only because when I went last week I couldn't quite keep up 'cause I was just getting over somethin and even though the teacher singled me out and asked me if I was ok and if it's was "too intense" but this didn't really bother me, I still have this low humming stress in my ear. God, get over it. It's only a lame-o hour and 30 minute-long yoga class. Bahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I just can't stand the doodz in the class anymore. The pools they leave behind!

My morning gangster

So, this morning as I was disembarking the Queen car, there were all these little gangsters scattering from the back door - I'm all, What, at this hour of the day?

The only real highlight of this run-in was the dood I saw with the following tattoo:

I didn't know these were like a 'thing.'

Horsefeathers

I'm so into stuff like this.

Going to Waterloo this weekend for some Bhima's to celebrate my broski's b-day. Afterwards, I hope to indulge in a little E-Lounge.

The Niks I know

I just love this guy

Video's pretty good too :-D

Spring Fireworks

New obsession

I'm so into this song right now. It also seems an apt pre-Spring oh-9 tune.

As I was walking along Queen near Spadeen right now, I noticed a shopkeeper throw a tiny handful of garbage onto the ground right out front of her own store. I don't get it.

Blindie

Some dood on the radio just referred to Stevie Wonder as "the guy who can't see."

A little piece of fame

Go here to watch my favourite episode of Dizzy Playground, which I also helped write! There are other eps on the site too, so enjoy them all, and tell all yer friends.

It doesn't get much funnier than this. Also, if maybe you had forgotten this fellow, go here.

Then your life will be complete. Ting!

Verdict: Worth the $14.99

So, after testing out - or 'lashing' out - (again, I could go on) my very own tube of L'Oréal Double Extend Beauty Tubes mascara, I quickly decided that this thing is absolutely worth the $14.99 you'd slam down on the counter of your local drugstore, (or that you'd furiously punch the keys in on any debit machine... or credit card chip machine - am I being specific enough here as to how you'd go about buying this product?) Ok, I am. Yes!

I quite enjoyed the two-step process to applying this mascara. First you apply the nourishing base coat (which looks like you're putting a thin layer of vanilla icing on your lashes) and then you seal the deal by applying the black mascara with the amply bristled wand. As another blogger also noted, my lashes really were noticeably longer, just like the mascara commercials always promise. And I can't say I've ever experienced that effect with another mascara, even with many of the department store brands.

Similarly, the removal process is just as breezy and almost like a science experiment. Unlike normal mascara removal, Beauty Tubes removes almost like that nail polish they used to make that you could just peel off. It doesn't remove messily, or bleed at all, but reminds me of more like washing slightly dried latex paint out of a paintbrush - very easy, mess-free, and quite effortless. And, you need only water!

So, overall, I was very impressed with this product, which hit stores in December 2008. I highly recommend it, and I also really enjoyed the L'Oréal smokey eyeshadow compact I tested as well. Shades of grey - and lovin' every minute of 'em.

I'm a grey nerd as well. But I'll leave that topic for another post.

Maybe give up

Maybe the TTC and whoever their designer is for Metropasses should just give up. I'm sorry, but a photo (and a shitty one at that) of three subway seats as the image for this month's pass? A sorry sight, if you ask me. I generally find the Metropass images embarrassing actually. Yeeesh.

I'm going to update in a very short time about my experience with the L'Oréal Beauty Tubes. Get ready my faithful followers!!!!

Me and Linda are tight!

No, not really at all. But Matchstick gives me access to some lovely images, so I will use them now:


So it's true - I have been chosen to road test (or rather eye test, or lash test... I can keep going) L'Oréal's new Double Extend Beauty Tubes Mascara, which I am very excited to give a whirl. They also sent me an eyeshadow compact (with smokey tones I might add), which I might be even more excited about... but I am verrrry excited about the mascara nonetheless. It all came in a little L'Oréal pouch too. What I will do, is take a pic of all the goodies I got, and post soon :-) If you're someone who likes me a lot, or my best friend (even if you be male), I may even shoot you the second tube of Double Extend I was sent... A-haaaaaaaaaa! You might get luckay. Luckay, luckay, luckay.

Yes, makeup can make someone up to get pretty excited about prettifying.

Gone Crackers!

Don't you just love the smell of a good health food store? I know I do. The spelt flour, banana chips and natural peanut butter just perfume the air in the subtlest of ways, reminding me of days of yore.

Something that I recently discovered at the health food store: Mary's Organic Crackers. Love these things! And my officemate loves to steal them from me too. Gluten free and allllllll cracker, baby.

Pick up a box of these today!I just bought the herb variety last night - won me over just as much as the black pepper, pictured here.

They're not exactly 'easy on the pocketbook' (whatever 'pocketbook' really means), but they are easy on the stomach, and the brain when you think about the deliciousness of Mary's creation.

Thanks a bundle, Mary!

John Waters

Pecker is...

A really great flick. In some circles, it's even "first."

First, ok?

Have I talked about this before? People and signs and slogans for like restaurants and stuff that are always proclaiming, "Second to none!"?

I've had ENOUGH OF IT.

Just say FIRST!

Even if I have talked about it, I need to talk about it more. Stop, stop, stop saying second to none.

I've also had it up to here with,

"You've tried the rest now try the best."



Stop.

Birthday Poetry!

My lovey doesn't know it yet, but I wrote him a POEM for his birthday. I can't wait to give it to him, and see his eyes light up.

They better effing light up.

Brainz

Last night a woman at my French class kept using the word "knowledgement" when she was speaking in English (to refer simply to 'knowledge').

I use the word 'word' very loosely...

To the cereals I have loved (Toronto)

CL Rants and Raves delights again:

Cheerios, you were my first. I used to douse you with sugar, and chase your floating circles around the bowl with my spoon. I learned a lot about breakfast when I was with you. But I was young and fickle. It embarrasses me to say this, but I left you because I thought that your Os were too prone to falling out of the bowl. (You know what I mean? Like, as soon as the milk starts pouring, you gotta watch the rim for any Os that are trying to escape. And then you try to coax and tilt the bowl but it only seems to make it worse...) I was immature to let something like that bother me. I always wonder about you.

Crispix, you were hot. Your hexagon two-toned, double-grain mesh was a site for sore eyes. You tasted amazing right out of the box, and your texture against my tongue was like heaven. And with milk, you were easily one of my favourite cereals. But tragically, you couldn't stay crispy. And that honestly isn't the kind of thing that bugs me, but your commercials said you would stay crisp for a long time. Insisted, really. The opposite is more the case. I wasn't upset, but I guess felt kind of lied to.

Shredded wheat, where do I start? I knew I needed a healthy break from all the other junk I was eating, but you took the cake: you were almost literally a bowl of straw. Even with blueberries, it was hard to ignore that I was eating a fist-sized chunk of fibrous roughage. To be brutally honest: you tasted terrible. But at the time I needed you, and you helped keep me in check. I was just the wrong person for you.

Cap'n crunch: you were sugary, crunchy and sweet. Milk only seemed to make you crunchier (or maybe it just amplified the sound). And you were intriguing. I believed you when you said the crusade against "the soggies" was a metaphor for the human condition. For a youth-oriented cereal, you were surprising cerebral. I actually liked you a lot, but you were seriously rough on the roof of my mouth. It felt like I was eating sandpaper rocks.

Vector: you were so smart, and made sure everyone knew that. Yeah, yeah, you were created in a lab with the participation of over 15 scientists, engineers and doctors. So what? I liked you, but I never felt good enough for you. And just so you know, I had you with 2% milk, which I'm sure cancelled out a lot of your benefits.

Froot Loops: I ate you in my youth. In fact, I can remember when you were only three colours. The yellows were my favourite. Now you're up to six. You were amazing. I smile at you when I see you at the grocery store.

Apple Jacks: you are forever an enigma to me.

Missed connecsh

I'm back to reading the CL Missed Connections. This morning's gem:

You're the beeeeessssttt

thanks for letting me hangout here, instead of dying of boredom in my jailcell... i mean my downtown condo.
i have fun snuggling in your linty comforter.

Christmas-less

I'm still feeling the blow by not having intook any Christmas movies this year.

Anyone for Christmas part II?

Anything you want: you got it

On the way to work I saw a car with antlers.

The only way to survive this cold is to drink Oreo Mint Lattés - from 7/11.

Oh thank heaven...

Paying the fare

Was on the Spadine car this morn. A girl gets on. Streetcar driver says, "Can you please pay the fare?" after she had sat down sans flashing a pass or tossing any coins in the box. Then for about three minutes, she rifles - albeit gingerly - through her purse, really taking her time. No, "Sorry," no, "Hang on a minute," she just took her sweet time while the driver sat right there and held up the whole car (not that I blame him).

After some time, the driver asks her if she has it. She continues to shuffle items around in her bag. He then says, "Maybe you should look for your fare outside. You're holding everybody up." At long last she finally exclaims, "Fine I'll pay the fare!!" And he's like, "Next time please have it ready like everyone else." She then went on to accuse him of having an attitude problem. She also (stupidly) exclaimed that she "worked for the city" and he shouldn't be talking to her that way. She then proceeded to videotape everything he was saying to her on her digi cam.. He goes, "Do you want me to smile?"

This girl was soooooo angry. I just can't figure it out. Did she just think she could slink by unnoticed? That's not going to work when you're boarding a streetcar with about nine people on it in total and you proceed to sit right at the front of the car.

Is she in works to start her own version of some lame reality TV show where she busts people for their "attitude problems"?

Make me do anything you want

While searing for some "at work" music to listen to online, I stumbled upon Spud FM. How effing hilarious. It's from PEI.

What gave it away?

Who doesn't love fruit?

This week, in the span of two staff meetings (a two and a half hour time period in all), four separate people used the phrase "low hanging fruit" six times.

You heard me.

Guggs

My friend V-Barrz told me she saw a dude on the subway wearing Uggs. He was straight too.

In Thurrr

Right now I'm listening to Right Thurrr by Chingy. Shya buddy!